Posted in Fitness, Health, Inspiration, Lifestyle, People

Wellness Wednesday: Marathon Anyone???

Who in the world would want to run a 26 mile race? Quite a few people, judging from all the participants on my FB timeline with #freepmarathon in their posts. This past weekend, my birthday weekend, was the annual Detroit Free Press Marathon event.

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The first time I saw this event with my own eyes was on my birthday about 5 or 6 years ago. My husband had gotten me room at the Holiday Inn to enjoy a quiet night of writing. On check out day is when I saw the crowd of people and learned what was going on.

It wasn’t that day that I considered participating. That day came when I came across women in my personal circle, people at or near my fitness level making the decision to do it and training for the big day. A few of them accomplished their goal this year!

My father participated in a marathon once.  He trained hard for it. As a little girl watching him jump rope in our backyard and complete his Saturday morning with an impressive backward jog down our street, I didn’t know that’s what he was preparing for. Matter of fact, I don’t even know when he actually did it. He wasn’t the kind of dad that shared stuff like that with his kids. What I do remember him telling me years later was that one time was all he needed. Just to say he did it.

Personally, I wouldn’t want to train that hard to do something only one time. Then again, I could never fathom running 26 miles. Interestingly,  I have since learned that the event consists of more than 26 mile race. There are events for everyone at all fitness levels: full marathon, marathon relay (a team of 2-4 complete designated sections of the race), 1/2 marathon, 5K, and a Family Fun Run. There’s even a race for people with disabilities.

Now that’s something I can put on my bucket-list. What about you? Do you want to run a marathon (or some other race event)? What’s your plan to make it happen?

You know…you must have a plan, right?

Naturally Yours,

L.A.

Posted in Family, People, Relationships, Religion, Spirtituality

Letting Go

I celebrated my birthday on yesterday, October 15th.  My Facebook notifications began chiming as early as 12 a.m. Text messages a few hours later. Birthday wishes from my husband, son, daughter, other family, and closest friends.  A beautiful brunch of fine dining with my husband at a historic mansion in our city of Detroit. A gorgeous bouquet of fall flowers and a scrumptious cupcake from my daughter added to the festivities. It was a wonderful day. I couldn’t have asked for a better day.

Why, then, on the morning after such a wonderful day was my heart saddened that my own father didn’t call or text, at the very least, to wish me a happy birthday? Though I’m not surprised, my feelings are still hurt. Hurt that my father willfully didn’t acknowledge my birthday. Who does that to their daughter who has only shown him love, kindness, forgiveness, and respect?

I wouldn’t be surprised if he was waiting for me to call him for a personal invitation to tell me happy birthday. Honestly, I considered it, then decided not to. I’m in the midst of raising a 13-year old soon-to-be young man, caring for and dealing with the often bad attitude of a chronically ill spouse. There is no time in my schedule to hold the hand of the man who should be the strong shoulder for me to lean on.

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According to him, he lost me and my two siblings in his divorce from my mother 5 years ago. Five years ago, meaning all of us are good and grown. He didn’t lose anyone. Instead, he cast us away in the guilt that he feels for intentionally losing our family home to foreclosure so that mother wouldn’t get it; the guilt he feels for turning his back on the daughter he had with another woman at the onset of his marriage to my mother; guilt and shame that he can no longer declare himself  to be one of the last good men around as we know much of his dirty deeds.

Rather than admit that he can’t handle being around us in his unveiled, flawed state, he projects onto us, claiming we have deserted him. In the case of my brother and sister, they haven’t deserted him, but stopped chasing behind someone who will keep running away and blaming them for the distance.

The sympathizer amongst us, I hadn’t gotten to that point…yet. I loved my dad so much and I know that the messages that he hears in head are from the pit of hell, designed to keep him alone, angry, bitter, and filled with resentment and un-forgiveness. I had made it my mission to be there for him no matter what.

“I’ll never let you push me away Dad,” I declared to him a few years ago.

Fast forward to the present, that declaration is slipping from my heart like a freshly peeled mango slipping from my hands. Worrying about whether or not my father will accept my love and my willingness to have a relationship with him is as emotionally taxing as trying to get my husband to stop saying, “This could be my last Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday, etc.”

Last week I purchased a book: Letting Go: Rugged Love for Wayward Souls. Interestingly, I bought it for spiritual guidance for loving but letting go of some of my husband’s wayward ways. Hadn’t considered that I’d need it for letting go of my father’s waywardness, too.

By the completion of the book and steadfast prayer, I hope to have the following questions answered:

Am I wrong if I don’t call my father again?

Am I acting out of hurt and frustration?

Am I contributing to the problem by letting go?

Will my father ever understand the effects of his behavior on his love ones?

Do I continue to pray for him while keeping my physical distance? Or is it time to trust God to answer the prayers I’ve already prayed?

 

Posted in Caregivers, Caregiving, Encouragement, Family, Health, Inspiration, Lifestyle, People, Relationships, Travel, Women

No Time Like the Present

My longtime girlfriend has been living in Dallas, TX for at least 7 years. She relocated there after accepting a promotion with the company she’d been working for in our hometown.  Once down there, she met her current husband and they’ve since started a family. Dallas is clearly her home now. As most of her family is here in Michigan, she comes to visit once or twice a year. However, her time is usually consumed with family so I never get to spend much time with her.

I don’t know why it never occurred to me to go visit her. Actually…I do.

Before I started visiting my husband on weekends he was out of town for work or attending a conference for my sorority, I was not really into traveling. The only trips that I took my children on was 5 hrs away to Chicago and across the bridge to Canada to enjoy an indoor waterpark. Traveling was not something I fit into my vacation or financial planning.

This past summer a friend invited my son to go on a trip to Disney World with her family. I didn’t want him to miss out on the opportunity but I was hesitant. First, he’d never been on a plane before. Second, he expressed fear about getting on a plane. So I decided that his first flight needed to be with me. Around this same time, I was on the brink of caregiver burnout and didn’t see a way to give myself a real break.

Lo and behold, the company I work for hosts an annual conference in Dallas that I always say that I’d like to attend. Why hadn’t? There was no good reason. So this year I took the opportunity to kill three birds with one stone: attend the conference, visit my friend, and take my son on his first flight.

Everything was awesome. That Dallas September heat was no joke but it was so good to be away from home. To be a guest in my friend’s home. To wake up on Saturday morning and not have to think about what I was going to cook for breakfast for myself or anyone else! My friend and her husband took good care of us.

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My son in the co-pilot seat

 

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A round of miniature golf in the hot Dallas son with my friend’s family
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Go-Kart racing
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Partial group family pic…my friend’s husband was MIA
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Taking a break from the conf. Enjoying a book in the pool
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My son getting his swim on
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Mom & Son chilling at the pool

The question that repeated through my head was, “Why’d it take you so long to do this?”

I have another girlfriend who’s been living in Atlanta for the last 7 yrs. Besides going down for her wedding five years ago, I haven’t been there for a real visit. After I visit family in Tennessee next year, Atlanta will be my next stop.

It’s funny how, in theory, we know that tomorrow is not promised. Still, we tend to live our lives like we have all the time in the world. My husband’s diagnosis with a life-threatening illness changed my perspective. Although  supporting him through this illness doesn’t allow me to a lot of time to do as much as I’d like, I still make a point to do as much as I can.

Is there anything you’re putting off for tomorrow that you need to be doing today? Share in the comments  below.

Naturally Yours,

L.A.

 

Posted in Encouragement, Inspiration, Lifestyle, Women

My First Day of School

back to schoolAm I really doing this? I thought on the 5 minute drive from my job to the campus of Wayne State University. While I know students of all ages attend the multi- cultural institution located in the heart of Detroit, all I could see were the people who looked young enough to be my children.

Here I am, weeks away from my 42nd birthday, attending my first upper level undergraduate English course. But it’s been a long time in the making. Approximately 10 years.

For the last several years I’ve been bouncing back and forth between Wayne State University and Oakland University’s graduate English programs. And, if I’m honest, their Journalism and Communication programs, too. Indecisiveness played a big part as to why it’s taken me so long to make this move. But fear was the biggest obstacle.

Why do I want to do this? What benefit will I gain? Will my life improve? What am I going to do with it? Do I have time for this?

These questions and more had me like a mouse stuck on the spinning wheel. Like that piece of cheese the mouse is chasing, this desire has remained dangling in front of my eyes, within arms reach. It was just a matter of reaching for it and grabbing it.

At this stage of the game I’m not sure if I’m going to pursue another graduate degree. I already have one of those…an MBA. According to my aunt, Dr. Wilson, “In education, you keep moving forward.” I’d be lying if I said there isn’t a simmering desire to earn such a distinguished level of education.

Before I can seriously entertain a doctorate in English, I need to get some upper level English courses on my record and recommendations from recent academic sources, hence, my Intro to Rhetoric & Writing class this fall semester.

I can’t tell you how excited I am. An item crossed off my 2017 goals. We’re only on the second week of class and I’ve already plotted out classes for 2018.

When I was introduced to the character of Jalessa, the oldest student–a recently divorced, mother ( I think)–on campus from A Different World, it never crossed my mind that that could be me. In retrospect, that was clearly a major  purpose of her character, to show that although life circumstances can knock us of course, we can always make our way back.

Not a do over, I like to say, but a do now. There’s no time like today to pursue a dream.

What dream are you chasing? Share in the comments below. If you can read this post, there’s no time like now to take that first step.

Til Next Time,

L.A.

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Posted in Christianity, Faith, Inspiration, Religion

Spiritually Speaking–Not My Will

On the first Sunday at my church, we partake of communion, do baptism, and have a time for God-glorifying testimony. Today, I was supposed to be sharing my own testimony of how God delivered on His promise of meeting my need and desire for my new house. But things didn’t work out quite how I thought. We didn’t close last week, as scheduled. Nothing on my end, but the sellers. I was pretty distraught to say the least. Spent most of the week, trudging through the days that I was supposed to be excited about closing eating junk food.

“What’s up with this Lord?”, I asked my God. “I did everything You asked. I prayed.  I sought guidance. I walked in faith, even writing the date of September 1st as the date we’d be moving from our apartment on a vision board of sorts in my bedroom. Closing was set for August, 30th. How could it NOT happen?

Over those days that I held back tears while eating sugar and salty foods, I felt like a fool. Wishing I had never mentioned the move to anyone. Wishing I’d never gotten my hopes up.

Then I thought about the story of Job. The story of satan and God talking about that good, God-fearing man Job, who God knew to be faithful. That man who satan told God would break, turn against God if he could just have his way with him. God allowed satan to do everything to destroy Job except kill him. All to test Job’s faith.

I figure that’s what’s happening with me. This is a test of my faith. Am I going to doubt what God has for me because it didn’t happen when I wanted it to. Who am I to tell God when this deal is supposed to happen, when my family is going to move.

It’s not about my will, but His. My role is to trust that it will be at the appointed time and to walk in faith, which is of the thing hoped for and not seen. So guess what? We’re still packing and preparing for the move to come!

Til Next Time,

L.A.

Posted in Uncategorized

Wellness Wednesday–Pumping Iron

weight trainingI don’t know what took me so long. For years I’ve been doing pretty much the same routine at the gym–cardio. The treadmill has been my machine of choice. On occasion I switched it up and tried out the elliptical but I always fell back to the treadmill. However, something was missing from my program. Weight lifting.

I wasn’t avoiding weights for fear of bulking up as some women fear will happen. Knowing that the benefit of weight lifting is experienced from consistency and steadily increasing weight or repetitions, I figured it would be a waste of time, knowing my consistency in the gym was my biggest issue.

Now at 40, if I expect to fight slowing metabolism and maintain the trimmest body that I can, I can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results.  Earlier in the month I signed up for a Design Your Own Program class at Planet Fitness. I expected it to be a one-on-one type of thing in which I’d explain my goals and the trainer would suggest the exercise to me, test out my weight abilities, and demonstrate how to use certain machines. It didn’t quite work out that way. I won’t go into all of that but I did leave the session with a plan to do weight lifting 2-3 days per week.

I started the program the next week and have been steady ever since. I don’t always get the full 3 days in but when I get there, I make sure I’m hitting those weights. On my last visit I started tracking my exercises and the amount of weights used on MyFitnessPal.com.

In the short time that I’ve been at this, I’ve already realized some benefits.

  1. I feel more accomplished getting through those 2-3 sets of exercises than I do finishing the usual 30-45 minutes of cardio I’ve been used to doing on the treadmill. It’s a new challenge.
  2. I’m not getting on the scale as much. For one, I know that the numbers may not go down immediately because I’m gaining muscle and muscle weighs more than fat. Second, I don’t need to see a lower number on the scale to validate my efforts. I’m validated each time I walk away from the treadmill and go forward with my weight training plan.
  3. Since I’ve started back to doing abdominal work–don’t ask me why I stopped doing that in the first place but my belly already looks an inch or so smaller in the fitted top I put on the other day.
  4. Having this new challenge of maintaining the weight training, I am more motivated to go to the gym because I’m not doing the same ‘ole thing.

I know I’m only a month but this has been a long time coming. I’m finally on the road to the being the fit and tone woman I’ve always wanted to be. Fit, Fine, & Fifty…I’m on my way!

If you’ve been weight training for awhile, please share some tips and tricks for success. If you’re like me, just starting out, stay tuned for more encouragement as I stay the course of my journey.

Til Next Time,

L.A.

Posted in Lifestyle, writing

Nervous Anxiety–What To Do With It

Nervous anxiety. We all encounter it at various points in our lives, some more often than others. Just depends on the individual. Common instances where a person is likely to experience this anxiety are at monumental times of life such as a guy preparing to propose to his girlfriend, a college student preparing to walk across the stage in front of a thousand pair of eyes, or a woman the morning  of or night before her wedding.

Over the last few days I’ve been experiencing some nervous anxiety. I actually have two important moments occurring in the same week. Within a few days, I’ll be unveiling my second work of fiction to the watching world–or whoever tunes in over a FB live broadcast. At least, that’s the plan. Just the anticipation of doing it gives me the jitters. But this option was the next best thing to investing money in a venue, paying a food vendor, and any other expense for an on-site party while I’m also in the mist of purchasing a house.

Oh yeah…that’s the other thing at the root of my recent anxiety. I’m buying a house! For the second time in my life and the first time with my husband of five years. We’ve been living in an apartment for the last five years and been looking for a house for the last 2 1/2. It’s been quite a journey but we made it to the end.

No one can tell that I’m nervous. It doesn’t show on the outside. These pesky little jitters reveal themselves in the form of awakening me hours before schedule. Three nights ago, I awoke at 3 am. The next day 4, and the next 6. Of course, I was still sleepy but wasn’t able to go back to sleep without a threat of oversleeping for work.  So instead of the laying in the bed allowing my mind to focus on either of these things, I redirected the nervous energy to more productive activity. One day I used the time to finish writing a story I’m submitting for publication. The other two days I went to the gym. Today when I woke up around the same time, I opted to relax and stay in bed. Enjoyed an early morning up cup of coffee.

What do you do when nervous anxiety awakes you in the wee hours of the morning or keep you up late into the night. Share in the comments below.

Til Next Time,

LA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That brings me tfood to feed guests Plus there was no time to do all of that Another morning of waking up hours before my alarm rang. Three nights ago it was 3 am, the next 4 am, and the next 6 am. I made the most of them all. One morning I spent the time finishing a story I needed to get to my editor so I can submit for a Chicken Soup for the Soul book. The other two I hit the gym. I couldn’t think of any better ways to expend this nervous anxiety I’m experiencing.

Why am I nervous? What am I so anxious about?

Hmm…let’s see. I’m officially releasing my second novel this week. In conjunction with the book release, I’m unveiling my newly designed website.